Sibling Rivalry
It is totally unproductive of getting into fights but as for my case here, sometimes blackmailing works. Since I am getting tired with the notion that I am the nastiest kid in the family, I think a peaceful, quiet retreat from any family matters will justify the damages done last night.
It was a call from the Bank informing that my brother is applying a car loan and he put me as the reference. It did fume my emotion, as he is supposed to discuss this among us before making any decision. Earlier on, I had to help mum in a very critical situation where my brother claimed that his resignation from the first job would not have to do with his unwillingness to help, which ironically I paid for the house and my mum change the house name to his. OK, I know that I seemed so calculative but don’t you think sometimes your siblings take things for granted? They will do anything for self purpose, pretend that they are unable to solve family issue and the person who willingly to help (since none giving any solution), is the black sheep of the family. Again it did not win any respect from these people. Therefore, when it comes to siblings fight, all of old issues raised, where dissatisfaction towards unfair treatment to brothers and sisters by the parents is such a big issue.
I have to admit that a call from mum reminding to go back to Rawang this weekend was such a major turn off, it was quite irritating to her listen to her nag and the importance of being a good mum. Fed up with her word “Ko tak rindu Fatiha, tak kesian ker ” where I have to catch up with my deadline within this week, I told that if she really pitied us, please look at the situation that happened now, of why I have to be separated with my daughter. IT was all for the sake of helping family by paying mortgages of the house, the card and everything that has to do with the family’s interest. I even said that comparing to my brothers who possessed their own cars, where I had to give mine for her to travel peacefully, I am still being a very patient daughter who never complain, so please understand my situation. So the issue of my brother who is just about to get a new car for the “self purpose” perhaps surprised her too, as the matter was slipped out from my careless mouth, unintentionally. Later, messages from him flooded my mail box, and that was when the war begun.
The most hurtful time was when he indicated that I had “conteng arang kat muka mak bapak” for my infamous entry to the rehab but I guess it had happened for years and despite of what happened to me, I am still the “Hope” of my parents. I excelled in my studies, getting into Uni with my own money and raise my kid single-handedly which all my accomplishments have actually overshadowed his own. Frankly, I do understand the feelings of being “left out” as my mum kept on praising my success all over (for example this recent PTD case) which like always, he never seem to surpass any of these “standard”. To make thing worse, he claimed that my earned money is not “berkat”, which is the reason for my financial woes, so I said to him, “berkat? Jangan cerita pasal agama sebab jalan hidup ko sendiri tak betul”. It was accidentally coming out from my brain as I was so furious, mad about his attitude of not being sensitive towards my feelings, so with a matter-of-fact I coldly wrote “ Ko ingat aku tak tahu pasal aktiviti gay ko? Bawak bawaklah bertaubat, kalau mak tahu mesti dia sakit jantung punya, ko pun memalukan maruah keluarga”.
No SMS coming from him after that, which confirms on his sexuality preferences that has been a puzzle to me for years. I have to admit, that sometimes the best thing surface when you never expect it the most. The skeleton has come out from the closet, but I intend not to reveal this to mum as I still have that empathy towards him who seems keeping his grudges towards me, for years, silently. It was such horror bad ending.
It was a call from the Bank informing that my brother is applying a car loan and he put me as the reference. It did fume my emotion, as he is supposed to discuss this among us before making any decision. Earlier on, I had to help mum in a very critical situation where my brother claimed that his resignation from the first job would not have to do with his unwillingness to help, which ironically I paid for the house and my mum change the house name to his. OK, I know that I seemed so calculative but don’t you think sometimes your siblings take things for granted? They will do anything for self purpose, pretend that they are unable to solve family issue and the person who willingly to help (since none giving any solution), is the black sheep of the family. Again it did not win any respect from these people. Therefore, when it comes to siblings fight, all of old issues raised, where dissatisfaction towards unfair treatment to brothers and sisters by the parents is such a big issue.
I have to admit that a call from mum reminding to go back to Rawang this weekend was such a major turn off, it was quite irritating to her listen to her nag and the importance of being a good mum. Fed up with her word “Ko tak rindu Fatiha, tak kesian ker ” where I have to catch up with my deadline within this week, I told that if she really pitied us, please look at the situation that happened now, of why I have to be separated with my daughter. IT was all for the sake of helping family by paying mortgages of the house, the card and everything that has to do with the family’s interest. I even said that comparing to my brothers who possessed their own cars, where I had to give mine for her to travel peacefully, I am still being a very patient daughter who never complain, so please understand my situation. So the issue of my brother who is just about to get a new car for the “self purpose” perhaps surprised her too, as the matter was slipped out from my careless mouth, unintentionally. Later, messages from him flooded my mail box, and that was when the war begun.
The most hurtful time was when he indicated that I had “conteng arang kat muka mak bapak” for my infamous entry to the rehab but I guess it had happened for years and despite of what happened to me, I am still the “Hope” of my parents. I excelled in my studies, getting into Uni with my own money and raise my kid single-handedly which all my accomplishments have actually overshadowed his own. Frankly, I do understand the feelings of being “left out” as my mum kept on praising my success all over (for example this recent PTD case) which like always, he never seem to surpass any of these “standard”. To make thing worse, he claimed that my earned money is not “berkat”, which is the reason for my financial woes, so I said to him, “berkat? Jangan cerita pasal agama sebab jalan hidup ko sendiri tak betul”. It was accidentally coming out from my brain as I was so furious, mad about his attitude of not being sensitive towards my feelings, so with a matter-of-fact I coldly wrote “ Ko ingat aku tak tahu pasal aktiviti gay ko? Bawak bawaklah bertaubat, kalau mak tahu mesti dia sakit jantung punya, ko pun memalukan maruah keluarga”.
No SMS coming from him after that, which confirms on his sexuality preferences that has been a puzzle to me for years. I have to admit, that sometimes the best thing surface when you never expect it the most. The skeleton has come out from the closet, but I intend not to reveal this to mum as I still have that empathy towards him who seems keeping his grudges towards me, for years, silently. It was such horror bad ending.
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