Happy Birthday......

This is one of the happiest days of my life, and to date, I am not regret for anything.

Fatiha has changed my perspective of life, my life direction and the priority will always goes to her first, despite the adjustment to the motherhood was not that easy.

It was like 4 years ago, when I found out that I was carrying a baby, when the good news was well received only by me, not the father.

I was almost like relieved, knowing that I had managed to conceive and the prospect of being a mother was another big decision to make where I was a penniless, jobless graduate but I cekalkan hati coz I know that this is a worth risk and again, she is my blessing in disguise.

The father requested me to abort the baby since he was not having the confidence to support both of us. He too was jobless, and we survived merely on the final savings which did not make any contribution to "sambut" for the baby.

And because of that, we grew apart, the anger in his eyes and the voice was the only clue for saying " I dont love you anymore".

And in those time, I was a lonely pregnant young girl, scraping my last penny and work dilligently to run away from this troubled life which I almost committed a suicide by jumping from the 12th floor apartment. There was no one to turn to, no friends to listen to my problems, since I have shun out my friends for a man who actually did not deserve any place in my life and heart at all.

And it was a worth lesson to remember when the one that you thought someone as the "pillar" is just another "ranting" yang rapuh so I decided to start my new life in KL with the baby and my own family. No more love for a man, I had enough. I have to face all the consequences alone, without him, even to go for the medical check up.

The labour pain was so long, which I spent my agony in Hospital Kajang for almost 12 hours. Mum was really worried seeing me in those expression, and with the remaining strength, I minta ampun for any sin committed for disobeying her words. She was with me all the time and right at 5.15 AM, the pain was gone.

The baby looked at me clueless, when the doctor put her on me. The hardship, the pain and the loneliness has paid off. I was in tears looking back at this innocent creature, determined that

I would do anything for her, and she wont have to go through what I have been before. And I am glad that she was with me when I was in tears too, and when she said' " Mak sedih yer?" , i hugged her tightly and promise her that everything gonna be allright.

I slowly gain back the strength to continue, with her smile on her face and the laughter of seeing her quick wit when she tried to cheer me in her own way. She got the common senses, too young for a three year girl, i think . When I said that I dont have enough money to buy her toys by showing her my empty wallet at the pasar malam, she looked at me, and pretend that it was OK, as we moved along to other stall. The facial expression was enough to tell that this girl was a special selfless girl, and she learnt too fast for that.

To Fatiha, we are going to celebrate your birthday in our own special way tonite. I am going to buy you the PowerPuff Girl cake as promised. I love you and Happy Birthday....