Revenge

What can a woman do nowadays? She can do a lot of things, but found herself to be broken hearted. I felt a bit down today after i realised that some people are meant to bring suffering and bitterness to other people. I wish they will die miserably.

I am not a vengeful type, but has been carrying the pain for years. Someone has denied my right as a woman, a mother and a wife, and I have been praying that he just would realise the mistake that he made, not only to me, but to other as well.
The smile has faded, others tried to make me happy, but it would be not the same thing as it was used to be. I am an empty soul, a walking corpse that survive for someone else, my beloved ones.

When i was in Penang, Khalid's family was being aloof. The parents did not welcome my presence, especially the lord of the house. He would not smile at me, even looked at me at all. My words to him were just meaningless, he turned away whenever i tried to make a decent conversation between "a daughter and a father". I couldnt understand why the father would keep himself away from me. I was like the one who carried a fatal disease, a parasite or someone who just robbed his happiness. Being aware as an unwelcomed stranger, I tried to be a good daughter- cooking, cleaning but it was no avail. He would sit in front of the tv, ignoring us whenever i prepared for the family dinner. He even never taste my cooking or drink the tea I made. He really hates me.

One day when i was heavenly pregnant, i made a request to rent his flat in Kampung Melayu. I made an offer to pay him monthly with my little salary. At last, he agreed to let me stay there with Khalid, and instructed me to see the flat right after the working hours. I followed his instruction obediently.

It was just between him and me. As he opened the door, the place totally looked shabby. It was the house where Khalid was born and being brought up. Somehow, i can still felt the presence of the old memories of the house. I wished that he could let me to stay there. I would paint and decorate the house, just to make some impression though i knew it would be impossible. He told me that it was his first house, how he struggled to keep the family with a mere wage and his difficulties when he was a small child. He was an orphan. He was an abandoned child by his aunties and uncles. I was almost in tears to hear that. However, it was a surprise when he said that I needed to wait about 2 weeks for the result. He knew that i was about to give birth at any time, and the Ayer Itam house wouldnt accept a new born baby and a post-natal depressed mother .I have nowhere to go, except begging my mother to take care of me. He did that on purpose. He was just being evil.

There were many countless cruel deed he made. Too many. He did not allow Khalid to visit Fatiha, or accept her into the family, if he did, i would lose the right as the mother which I wouldnt be able to see her anymore. He even only allowed Khalid to contribute RM120 for the child support and would disown Khalid if he tried to make an attempt to visit his child.

I wish he will die miserably. I made a swear last nite that he would have to beg for my forgiveness before he close the eyes forever. There was a real force in me to say that. I sit down with a closed eyes, my body against the wall and hand in my lap while chanting the curse till morning, and finally be able to sleep.