Illness

For the past one week, i have received some bad news.
My brother just involved in an accident and gotten himself a broken shoulder and arm, a friend's mother died unexpectedly and my grandmother is now in her critical condition. I felt a bit weak to cope with these news, as i am not used to death and illnesses, usually it takes around one to two weeks to have the courage to visit them later. Being such a bad person of not being there to offer help or lend a shoulder to cry on, I am not good at offering those comforting words to people i have known or to any stranger.

The most fearful time is when I am going to visit my Grandma in Malacca on this weekend. I have no words to say for my seven years-dissappearance. I was being such a bad grand-daugher. I will be clueless if she asked me a lot of questions especially on the "M" thing, she did not know what happened to me in the past years and the existence of Fatiha, why i did not turn up for my convo, as she was really excited to go to Penang for that with my uncles and aunties and why i did not bother to visit her even during hari Raya. I wished that i can explain that to her but my mother has warned me not to do so, or else she will be in more critical condition. So, i have to make stories, something that i really hate which is lying.